The Doc’s Fantasy Newsletter: Week 0, Post-Draft Power Rankings

 The Doc’s Fantasy Newsletter

Week 0

Post-Draft Power Rankings

 

Nothing beats the smell of rubber turf melting in the 100+ degree field temperatures of early September.

If you think you have a high-value flex play in these early weeks, make sure they are not playing at Hardrock stadium. In 2022 when the Vikings traveled to Miami, (the stadium is in Adventura, just north of Suinny Isles) the visiting sideline was recorded to be 122 degrees. The home sideline was 90 degrees. This 32-degree difference could easily make the ESPN projected 11.5 points end up being a 3.6 point bust.

If you drafted a running back that plays on turf, he has a 1.6x greater chance of tearing his ACL. Did you remember to consider that when you were assigning value to Tony Pollard? Beers didn’t. If you remembered to draft a running back that plays on grass, that doesn’t mean you are in the clear. Get on X.com and DM the field manager. That field must be watered correctly. Last thing we need is a repeat of the slip-and-slide that Super Bowl 56 was. The Eagles probably would have won if birds knew how to swim.

I would like to welcome Kevin and AG to the league. I have great news for the rookies, with Brett in the league you are guaranteed to finish in the top 9. Kevin, good look at try-outs. Now, let’s get into the pre-season, post-draft rankings.

(*NFL theme* BUM BUM BUM BUMMM)

1.  Kenny [ESPN ranked 1]

2. Logan [ESPN ranked 2]

3. Daniel [ESPN ranked 3]

4. Zach [ESPN ranked 6]

5. Brett [ESPN ranked 4]

6. Evan [ESPN ranked 8]

7. Beers [ESPN ranked 9]

8. AG [ESPN ranked 5]

9. Chris [ESPN ranked 7]

10. Kevin [ESPN ranked 10]

 

Kenny                  Howie Doin?                    Last week: N/A                This week: 1

Here’s a sentence. If healthy, Kupp has a real chance to be the number 1 fantasy wide receiver this year. The problem with that sentence is that it’s not true. Kupp needs a guy named Matt Stafford to be healthy too. Stafford is 35 years old and missed most of last season due to injury. If you think he’s going to be fully recovered and light up the league with Kupp this year, then why is Stafford not rostered? Kupp is already seeing a specialist for his hamstring. Don’t worry, Kenny has Lamar at QB. No way that guy gets injured. Last I checked, MetLife is a turf field (although it was upgraded this year), so there’s no way that that will affect Saquon. Mike Evans will go for 1,000 yards this year, like always. Watson, London, and Flowers give Kenny incredible depth at the WR position. If 30-year-old Mike Evans and 30-year-old Kupp can stay healthy, Watson has incredible trade value. This roster is fully fleshed out and the only thing it lacks is RB depth. Thankfully for Kenny, running backs stopped mattering when Andy Reid decided so. Kenny’s team is a clear number 1 to start the season, but he may be spending a lot of time with The Fantasy Doctors on X.com @TheFantasyDRS.

Logan                  Big Ben's Beaten Allegations                      Last week: N/A                This Week: 2

The Wheel has spoken, and Logan picked 1-1. When you score JJ, you get to start the season ranked high. When you go CeeDee in the second round, you feel great. When you flesh out the roster with two real running back threats and Joey B at QB, you should probably be ranked number one. Not so fast. Here’s the real problem. Joe Burrow won’t be throwing the ball to CeeDee, Dak will. The thing with Dak is that he hates throwing it to the guys in Grey Helmets with a star on them. Last year, the dude threw 15 interceptions. Let us not forget what new Cowboy’s OC Mike McCarthy said this offseason, “I want to run the damn ball.” This all means big trouble for CeeDee. Having James Connor in your flex spot has got to be a joke. He can beat lymphoma, but he’s not beating his projected points. Starting three running backs and 1.5 receivers (CeeDee only counts as half) in a pass happy 0.5 point PPR league is certainly a strategy. Logan will be spending a lot of time looking for that flex receiver play off the wire on his Tuesday lunch breaks.

Daniel                 MarlBurrow Menthol                    Last week: N/A                This week: 3

Forget CeeDee only counting as “half a receiver” this clown actually only has one running back, and it’s Brian Robinson Jr. Breece Hall will probably not be playing week 1, and the Jets signed Cook to replace a bunch of his workload anyways. In all his “wisdom” Daniel drafted J Taylor to give himself depth and upside at the RB position. The problem is that Taylor is out and doesn’t even want to play. No worries, he drafted Jeff Wilson to fill this void. Sike, He’s on the IR. I guess Zeke will get the start. He picked Thelin, OBJ, Zeke, and Devante. We get it dude, you’re old. This team will go as Mahomes goes, which should be enough to beat the bottom half of the league.

Zach                    Calvin’s Casino                 Last week: N/A                This week: 4

Zach really has a complementary team. A top 5 QB, a top 5 RB, a top 10 WR, a top 5 TE. Let’s talk about his TikTok pick, Calvin Ridely. I know he saw a few 30 second clips on TikTok about how Ridley was a “steal” and “WR1” and the Jags offense is “trending in the right direction.”  Trevor Lawarnce has a year of history with Christan Kirk, Christan Kirk is younger than Ridely, and Christan Kirk didn’t miss a year of games. Kirk is the Jags WR1. Here’s more proof. Trevor Lawrence, went to Clemson, coached by Dabo. When asked about NIL, Dabo said, “We built this program in God’s name, image and likeness.” Trevor literally has the same haircut as Jesus. Do we think we will be throwing the ball to guy named CHRISTAN, or a guy who got suspended for gambling. In other news, Kittle would have been a great pick if the league was PPB (points per block). Too bad it’s PPR. Obviously, this team will start hot and slowly fall off with the Bills. Josh Allen will nosedive into linebackers until November, when his shoulder will stop working. When that happens, the 50 points per week Diggs and Allen were giving you will look more like 20.

Brett                    Koo Klux Klan                   Last week: N/A                This Week: 5

Brett is definitely ranked too high, but I love this roster. Engram and Hopkins are both great mid-draft picks. He’s got a top 3 fantasy QB (Hurts) and the best WR (Chase) in the NFL (no bias). This team has all the talent to win it all, but to put it nicely, this coach “has a history.” I love that you actually picked the player your team is named after, even if he’s going to average 3 points per game. Let’s face it, the Falcons are not going to score. The Falcons do not even have one of those offenses where they can move the ball into field goal range and then they stall out as that field compresses. I don’t think the field compression stuff applies if you exclusively run the ball. Great job drafting Juwan Johnson, there is no way he ends up on the wire. Mike Thomas will be injured on and off for 16 weeks, just holding that bench spot, limiting your ability to play the wire, but you can’t drop him because he was good 4 years ago.

Evan                    First Swag Kazekage                      Last week: N/A                This week: 6

This team has the most height at the WR position with both AJ Brown and Tee Higgins. Of course, the obvious problem here Deshaun Watson. I ranked this team at 6 assuming the Watson thing is a joke, and he will start Anthony Richardson instead. Aside from being a tall team with Ekeler, this team has nothing going on. My suggestion would be to show the commissioner clips of Richardson overthrowing receivers by 20 yards and college and get permission to start Richardson at RB. With that addition, you might actually have a chance to make the playoffs. Stafford is still on waivers, maybe investigate that option. Lastly, I like you picking up Tony and Valdes-Scantling in the hopes that one of them will be the Chief’s break-out receiver, but the break-out receiver will be Kelce (for some reason the league wants to continue to classify Kelce as a TE even though last year 258 of his 549 routes run came from the slot).

Beers                   Chicago Beers                  Last week: N/A                This week: 7

The tortoise and the hair, or should I say Keenan Allen and Tyreek Hill. Keenan Allen missed 7 games last year, and the 31-year-old is quickly becoming a more of a high value WR 2 with questionable health, rather than the dependable must-start player he was 2 years ago. When he goes down, are we going to see DJ Moore start as WR2 behind Tyreek?  DJ Moore does not even have a QB. I would rather see Derrick Henery throw a jump pass than the broken mechanics of Justin Fields trying to make a boundary throw. By the time Jameson Williams is allowed to play, it may be too late. Beers is also going to make the decision to bench Najee Harris way too late in the season as his Pittsburg (I left the h off on purpose idgaf) bias clouds his mind. The stress of wondering if Tua has a concussion every time he gets tackled will exhaust Beers, leading to late season management mistakes. Hopefully Godell will let Tua just play the season in a Guardian Cap and Tyreek can save this horrendous roster. Fun Fact: 4/7 of the players on his bench are wearing purple.

AG                       Team Grove                      Last week: N/A                This week 8:

The team name alone tells you all you need to know about how this team is about to be managed. It is hard to find good things to say about this team. You could say Herbert is good, but let’s think about it, he is like QB 7 in a 10-man league. You could argue Justin Fields has more fantasy upside. McCaffery is a stud, but he has glass bones. It will be interesting to see who breaks more bones this year between McCaffery and AG (currently the AG leads 1-0, with a pre-season finger break). Bijan fell right into AG’s lap, but there’s probably a good reason for that. People are saying the Falcons are in a rebuild year, looking to grab their QB in the draft this year, and want to save Bijan’s legs for when it matters. Get ready for the frustration of watching goal line touches go to Allgeier, third down touches go to Cordarrelle, and Bijan standing on the sideline wondering if Drake Maye or Caleb Williams will be handing him the ball next year. Last year, Judy was considered to be a “league winner” by some, with his appearance on the wire late in the season becoming the league’s largest controversy to date.  If Russ somehow remembers how to cook, Judy could be a huge part of this team. AG will need that to happen because starting Cooper and McLauren is so bad, it’s comical. Maybe the Diggs and Josh Allen beef will be a real factor and Gabe Davis touches will skyrocket. This team needs a miracle.

Chris                    Tucker? I just met her                   Last week: N/A                This week: 9

Best team name. Everyone here loves Geno, but he is more of the fantasy QB you grab when Lamar gets injured, not the kind of QB that will carry you to wins over guys like Josh Allen or Trevor Lawernce. By week 3 Justin Fields will be this team’s starting QB. Lucky for Chris, a Justin Fields 50 yard rushing TD to cut the Bears defect from 30 to 23 points with 30 seconds left in the game is still worth 11 fantasy points (don’t fact check me on that). Chris also does not have a WR1. Smith is number 2 behind AJ Brown and Tyler Lockett is number 3 behind DK and Smith-Njigba. If you think Lockett is WR2 on the seahawks, watch the 2022 Rose Bowl.  This team will need to run the damn ball, only problem is that Derick Henery is 29 years old and is not getting any younger. No one is expecting Josh Jacobs to repeat what he did last year. How do we feel about Waller?

Kevin                   Baltimore Elevators                       Last week: N/A                This week 10

Let’s start with QB. The only thing Dak and Pickett will be competing for is who can throw the most interceptions. Now let’s talk about wide receivers. Travis Kelce is going to score so many points, but that is the only place this team will find points.  DK Metcalf has an insane vertical, that should get Kevin a few more points, but DK has to split receptions three ways due to Seattle’s very competent receiving core. Pittman Jr should be a great flex play, but then you remember the Colt’s QB is a Running back and the whole offense is just the Wild Cat with extra steps. This team has great wide receiver diversity. DK is tall, Olave is short, JuJu bulked up and got slow, Hollywood is skinny and fast. Are we picking a fantasy team here, or working for college admissions? This team stinks.